eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
