when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
