I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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