Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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