He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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