so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
