I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Vodka?
Forever.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
