In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Be still, my beating vagina.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I currently don't understand fingers.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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