We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
