forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
