I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
