I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
