if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
