they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
