i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
