No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
