you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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