i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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