I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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