just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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