I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
