I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
