Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
