I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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