If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
