The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
