Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
