i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
