I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
