Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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