I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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