why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
