Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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