yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
