Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
