she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How does one acquire holy water?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
