Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
