I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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