True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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