Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
