U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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