After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
