spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
