I never want to see another naked old woman again.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
