Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
