I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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