We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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