There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
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