have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
