Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
