Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
