It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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